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Been writing poems lately.

Discussion in 'D.I.Y. - Creative section' started by JesusCrust, Jun 16, 2010.

  1. JesusCrust

    JesusCrustExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Apr 17, 2010
     
    I'm not much of a poetry writer, more of a song writer, which I know is also poetry, but I've been writing more poems than songs lately and I have one on the topic of anarchism I think some of you may enjoy. Tell me what you think.

    I wrote this one today. The structure of this one is a little rocky, and I may change it up, so I shall deem it as a work in progress.

    The Romance of Resistance.

    Can you see
    the beauty in violence?
    not against people, but power
    a reason to live for
    a reason to fight
    something to die for
    for the right
    of life, for another
    can you see
    the romance in resistance?
    a message in a bottle, to shatter
    buildings engulf
    in a flame of compassion
    as we work, together
    hand in hand, with each other
    cupid shoots arrows of brick and rock
    only to be blocked
    by the shields of those blind to love
    their gas makes us cry
    as does the pepper in our eyes
    like feelings of heartbreak and lust
    but we've come to far
    to let it slip away
    to continue fighting for what we love is a must
    Can you see the beauty in violence?


    And just if you care to read another, here is one I wrote yesterday.
    More so anarchy is philosophy and not in political practice.

    Freedom.

    Missing, reminiscing of minds lost
    a black hole of confusion, illusion
    but with a chance to submerge, although refuse it
    to reuse, but not choose, cast into delusion
    a blissful reunion, but, not a union.
    to tune in, and envision, to liberate and imprison
    your mind, where is it?
    do you know?
    do you care?
    what's past your blank stare?
    you're confused, you're lost
    you wish to escape, no matter the cost
    a chance to submerge, but you refuse it
    I know, that you know, for I have been there myself
    put a pen to paper, I've discovered it helps.
    what is life without a purpose?
    is it life?
    helplessness helps feed the fire
    irony?
    the more dead you feel the more alive you become
    irony?
    what is life without a purpose?
    it's freedom.

    Constructive criticism would be appreciated, because as I said, I'm new to poetry writing, and I've grown rather fond of it.
     

  2. Shuei

    ShueiExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Jan 19, 2010
     
    Wow.
    I'm really impressed. I've seen a whole lot of bad poetry lately - this one saved my day. I must say that you've got a talent for it!

    Spoken out fastly in a stream of consciousness kind of way, with some noisy industrial/punk in the background the first one would be priceless.

    Kudos from here!
     
  3. JesusCrust

    JesusCrustExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Apr 17, 2010
     
    Thanks man.

    Yeah, the first one would be decent with some sort of background noise while it was read, the second seems to make better for some sort of like underground coffee shop poetry night sort of reading haha.
     
  4. punkmar77

    punkmar77Administrator Staff Member Admin Team Experienced member


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    I like the first one as a spoken intro to a song with band cacophony in the background....good job JC
     
  5. JesusCrust

    JesusCrustExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Apr 17, 2010
     
    Dude, punkmar, thanks for the idea. I literally got really stoked when I read that because I was trying to figure a way to associate these musically. I've been on a bit of a song writing writers block, which is actually what the second one is kind of about, like how being the tortured soul helps fuel creativity and you don't produce much when you're happy and it's like a love/hate relationship being stuck in a void of confusion.
     
  6. Shuei

    ShueiExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Jan 19, 2010
     
    The second one i'm actually convinced could be rapped in a Immortal Technique kinda style
     
  7. JesusCrust

    JesusCrustExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Apr 17, 2010
     
    Immortal Technique is fucking sick. To even compare that to those sick flows is a major compliment.
     
  8. Shuei

    ShueiExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Jan 19, 2010
     
    Hehe yeah, he is pretty awesome ;)
     
  9. DZA

    DZAExperienced Member Experienced member


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    Jun 30, 2010
     
    Good job dude it's pretty sweet!
    I'm also a song writer but I've never been fully confident with my lyrics so I've delved into a bit of poetry recently aswell, paying more attention to word use etc.
    With songs the words don't matter AS much because you can make pretty much anything sound good with a badass melody! haha but if you have badass words AND a badass melody then AWESOME!
    Have you heard of Attilis the Stockbroker? He's a brilliant punk poet.
     
  10. XxInGrindWeCrustxX

    XxInGrindWeCrustxXExperienced Member Experienced member


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    Sep 2, 2012
     
    I love the imagery of the first one. Gave me goosebumps.
     
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