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Some lyrics I scratched up

Discussion in 'D.I.Y. - Creative section' started by Marzz, Jul 16, 2010.

  1. Marzz

    MarzzExperienced Member Experienced member


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    Apr 27, 2010
     
    Here are some lyrics I just came up with...

    The sky is dark in the land of the free. The sun comes up but its still hard to see

    Whats gone wrong, whys this happening to me? does this really need to be?

    People are hoping for something to change, they look in the distance but nothings in range

    Whats gone wrong whys this happening to me? Does this really need to be?

    Mothers are crying but there arent any tears. Fathers use anger to cover their fears

    Whats gone wrong whys this happend to me, does this really need to be?
     

  2. Adam182

    Adam182Experienced Member Experienced member


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    Jun 1, 2010
     
    intresting :D
     
  3. shakey_Jake

    shakey_JakeActive Member Forum Member


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    Jun 7, 2010
     
    not so good to be honest
     
  4. Marzz

    MarzzExperienced Member Experienced member


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    Apr 27, 2010
     

    Yeah..Like, I dont really like them. I was trying to write lyrics that were more for a folk song and I guess I should stick to writing punk with longer verses xD
     
  5. Probe

    ProbeExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Jan 30, 2010
     
    whats wrong with it? its gooooood :thumbsup:
     
  6. shakey_Jake

    shakey_JakeActive Member Forum Member


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    Jun 7, 2010
     
    yeah it does sound better in my head when i think of it as a folk song.
    i think the main thing you need to work on is trying to avoid using too many obvious rhymes (eg. change/range) if yer know what i mean?
     
  7. Marzz

    MarzzExperienced Member Experienced member


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    Apr 27, 2010
     

    Yeah ha
     
  8. IamMe

    IamMeExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Dec 29, 2012
     
    man your poem is good i had a folk tune in my mind in the first verse because of the lyrics. i like it keepit up. check out my poem iv uploaded \m/
     
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