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Poetry or Hardcore Punk?

Discussion in 'Music, punk scene & subcultures' started by Probe, Feb 23, 2010.

  1. Probe

    ProbeExperienced Member Uploader Experienced member Forum Member


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    Jan 30, 2010
     
    I recently got into writing about stuff like capitalism and stuff....
    i think i had a not bad start but i might need some opinions about how it sounds from you guys
    well here goes (consider my age before you insult me :D:D)

    Screw ourselves so the rich get richer
    poor dumb hicks dont see the picture
    waiting for god to save our race
    can't you see the problem? its in front of your face

    Working night and working day
    smelling likes pubes, stacking hay
    at the end day did you get what you need?
    to feed your self and teach your kids to read?

    from there i kinda dozed off.....
     

  2. ASA

    ASAExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Nov 2, 2009
     
    think you'd do well 'sellin' to younger audiences first, appreciated but don't preach to the converted yet as it were, unless cooperating with others, keep it up
     
  3. Rabbit

    RabbitExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Oct 26, 2009
     
    Keep writing. It's not bad at all but it's not breaking any new ground. It's something that we all need to get out there before we can find what we really want to talk about.
    My first writing effort was total shit- generic "blah blah I want chaos" shit, but it's improved because I've grown past that kind of topic.
    Not that this is nearly that bad, just keep trying different shit, see what works and what doesn't.
     
  4. Rathryn

    RathrynExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Oct 21, 2009
     
    Ugh... reminds me of some of my old shit I wrote (which is far worse by the way).
    But what I would recommend is to look at it yourself, compare it to lyrics you like a lot and see what needs to be changed in your opinion. Do try and get a good selection of diverse lyrics so you don't end up sounding like that one band you love.
    Anyway, keep up the good work, for there is little more I can add that's not already said :)
     
  5. Bananaman

    BananamanExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Aug 9, 2009
     
    The best advice is don't give up. Practice does wonder. I've written poetry and generally got good reactions when presenting my poetry in public, but early on I had very low opinion of my own work. Even today I really don't consider writing poetry a special gift or anything similar. Anybody can do it if they want...

    Maybe we should start a lyrics and poetry thread where people could post their stuff... I think I'll translate some of my stuff into english...
     
  6. Anxiety69

    Anxiety69Experienced Member Uploader Experienced member Forum Member


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    Oct 18, 2009
    Male, 43 years old
    Long Beach CA United States
    i' d be down to read other users work and share some of mine as well, i just would prefer constructive criticism to completely negative criticism :p (but this is a public forum so that be asking to much)
     
  7. dwtcos

    dwtcosExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Oct 22, 2009
     
    Good job. I have thoughts like this all the time. I write them into the notes section on my IPhone and they never make it any further than that. And I like it that way (not saying you shouldn't take it further). As far as writing styles go I've always preffered the writing of socially concious rap and hip hop music to that of punk (trust me I still love punk way more then hip hop). Not saying that all punk has bad writing at all, a lot of punk songs have changed my life because of there beautiful writing style (Crass' Big A little a for example) but punk songwriting has always seemed very hit and miss to me. But as long as you can get the point across I guess.
     
  8. Shuei

    ShueiExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Jan 19, 2010
     
    some of it isn't fair from some of the bands i've heard - really good ones too. Just keep that up
     
  9. Shuei

    ShueiExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Jan 19, 2010
     
    some of it isn't fair from some of the bands i've heard - really good ones too. Just keep that up
     
  10. punkmar77

    punkmar77Experienced Member Uploader Experienced member


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    Nov 13, 2009
     United States
    I posted this song in the spanish section a few weeks ago, I find it kind of poetic, specially in spanish


    --------------------------------------------------------------------english translation:

    Nunca han pensado---------------------------------------------Have you never thought
    En el terror que han causado?---------------------------------In the terror you've caused?
    Enterrando sus colmillos----------------------------------------Sinking your canines
    En animales massacrados?-------------------------------------Into animals slaughtered?

    Y tampoco han pensado-----------------------------------------And neither've you thought
    En el dolor que han causado------------------------------------In the pain that you've caused?
    Con sus prendas de cuero--------------------------------------With your clothes made of leather
    Y un mundo envenenado?---------------------------------------And a world thats now poisoned?

    Piensen hermanos-----------------------------------------------Think my brethren
    En un cambio esforzado-----------------------------------------In a hard fought change
    Liberen las jaulas!------------------------------------------------Liberate the cages!
    Liberen sus almas!------------------------------------------------Liberate your souls!

    Piensen hermanos-------------------------------------------------Think my brethren
    En un futuro cambiado-------------------------------------------In a future so different
    Sin sangre en sus bocas!-----------------------------------------Without blood in your mouths!
    Ni sangre en sus manos!-----------------------------------------Without blood on your hands!


    Si uno por uno----------------------------------------------------If one by one
    Deciden su rumbo------------------------------------------------You choose your paths
    Como gotas de agua---------------------------------------------As drops of water
    Que llenan los lagos----------------------------------------------That fill the lakes

    No hay nada fijo-------------------------------------------------Nothing is fixed
    Todo esta en flujo-----------------------------------------------All is in flux
    Caeran las costumbres------------------------------------------Traditions will fall
    Como deluvios del cielo------------------------------------------As if showers from the sky
     
  11. QueerPunk

    QueerPunkExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Dec 29, 2009
     
    Wrote this after having downed a few too many ciders last year:

    Recession, depression seems to have hit,
    A glitch in the system that treats people like shit!

    The politicians remind us to tighten our belts,
    and prepare to do it hard,
    as the middle class lose their life support,
    the platinum credit card!

    I'll tighten my belt but not around my waist or my hips,
    but around a banker's neck,
    while my patience slips!

    Fuck you! I am not a number nor am I a customer,
    I am not your economic lab-rat, I am something you're not seeing,
    not a bloody theory, but a fucking human being!

    Your system, your ethics your morals and jail,
    are to benefit your kind and see that the rest of us fail!

    Is there something I'm not seeing or was that something you took,
    or is it that I have no future if I don't live by your book?!?

    Maybe you'll see through your hidden fears,
    or maybe you'll notice the downtrodden silent tears,
    of those who fall far through the cracks,
    the women, the youth, the queers and the blacks!

    We are the people lashed into slavery of welfare or wage,
    who will no longer be silent, who will bust open the cage!

    Left wing, Right wing, all the one and the same,
    so I wont be their pawn to be crushed in their statist game!

    Call me a cynic, a critic or a freak,
    but don't ever think that my mind is weak,
    to be used and abused and left for dead,
    you'll live to regret it.....my boot to your head!


    :guitar: :ecouteurs: :ecouteurs:
     
  12. Bakica

    BakicaExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Feb 21, 2010
     
    nice one indeed
     
  13. Rathryn

    RathrynExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Oct 21, 2009
     
    Well since we're all posting works now, this is one thing I've been really proud of, though it's more of a poetic prose, than true poetry.
    It's basically the train of thought of someone with a bit too much alcohol in his too intelligent system.
    REGURGITATE

    I regurgitate the faeces I ate earlier. Or was it faces? Can’t remember. So many words. Confusing, annoying, frustrating. The concept is illogical anyway: gravity forces things down, not up. It defies the laws of nature, not like the laws of men, those are supposed to be defied. Defied and broken. Still more words. All different, but the same, like people. Their definitions are their faces. So many faces. But no names: the words for individual people. Their identity. Defining them from me, from us. More definitions, more words. At least their identities are constant, consistent. Man’s definitions are not. They fluctuate inconsistently, constantly, illogically. Their definitions are fluid, viscous. They defy definition, they are a paradox. They should not exist. They are irrelevant, obsolete, do not follow the laws of nature. There is no I, no individuality, merely fractions of a whole. To form the sum of their parts.
    More gravity-defying bile rises, more of the shit I ate comes out. Shit, faeces, manure, poo, excrement. The result of a digestive system that is confronted with things it cannot process. Much like the lower classes of society, clinging desperately to the digestive tract to keep some sort of resemblance to their former selves. Their higher-placed peers. More half-digested food. More half-digested thoughts, partially formed words. Sentences with no real structure, context or use. Incoherent, rambling, irrelevant.
    My mind regurgitates the words I created earlier. Discards them as useless. They are useless. They do not fall into context and therefore should be discarded. Much like most of man should be discarded as they fall not within the context of the world. They defy the food chain; defy the natural laws with their contraptions. Their machines, their devices. Machinations created to work out of context, to create a new context that is irrelevant. Like words placed into a sentence that seem in place, but make the structure incoherent, irrelevant.
    Relevance, such a subjective idea. Context, such a fickle semblance of logic. Relevance, context, together, merged, they form reality. Therefore reality is a subjective idea formed with a fickle semblance of logic. Reality is decided upon by the observer. Fantasy therefore is decided upon by everyone else. Therefore there will never be a single reality, unless we merge all fantasy and personal reality. Unless somehow all people accept this simple fact. The simple fact of merely being an observer, there will be no reality to speak of.
     
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