Well, this is a difficult fucking topic for me but what the hell, i'll just try to do my best on giving a womans perspective on it, since i am one and there seem to be so few of us here. As a woman i guess i am of a rare breed, i pretty much have the same kind of thaughts on parenthood as most of you guys. I never really wanted children, for reasons mentioned earlier on this topic. How ever i got pregnant once. When that stick turned blue i totally freaked out. Imediately descided to get an abortion since there was no way i could take care of a child alone and the father wasn't really in the picture. Called the hospital at once. And the nurse had the nerve to congratulate me. Anyway, i had to first see a therapist and then have an examination, but i had to wait a week first. During that week came the nausea and the cravings. During the ultrasound they couldn't see anything and they said they couldn't do anything until they could see it, so i had to wait an other week. After that, still nothing. My breasts got swollen and i was so nauseus all the time and had enormous cravings, and i started to really feel pregnant. Now it was not so easy anymore to say i wanted that abortion. Something was wrong and about 6-8 weeks in i had a misscarrige and there was some surgery and hospitalisation, plus bloodsamples twice a week for about two months. Some people, of the very few i've told (the 'dad' is not amongst the few who know), has said it was probably for the best since i didn't want it in the first place. Logically i might agree but not emotionally. Don't know how many times i've heard now that i might be able to have a baby later but that is so not the point cos i still don't want a baby. I just still have a hard time dealing with having lost the one i had. It's so fucking hard when something like that happens, especially when not having any one to talk to about it. But as i said, i still don't want children, and i don't feel i'm not good enough as a woman for not wanting kids. Do you childless guys feel less like men for not having children? That is not my part in this world. Hell, i'll rather not have a kid on my arm in a revolution thank you. Would it happen again though that i'd get knocked up, i'm not sure i'd be able to go through with an abortion. And btw, how can they not belive in condoms? Is it like they don't believe it works or is it like not beliveing in santa?
You are very right with this, and I don't think this is what anyone is talking about when they mention selfishness. It is very unselfish to do what you are doing, and very nice as well. I would have no problem dating a woman who already has kids (have done so in the past) in fact, i'd rather do that then date a woman who wants to have kids who doesn't
I've heard this a few times, usually when i was like 16 - 21 dating girls in the 16- 18 year range who said stupid shit like using a condom meant they weren't loved or something... Typical cliche bs... needless to say I didn't have sex with the 2 girls i dated who felt that way. Anom, I commend you for your honesty, and thank you for sharing that story. As a childless man, I don't feel like less of a man or anything (though my opinions, like most anarchists,) of being a "real man" is all lame stereotypes anyways. My 2 best friends have children that are 2ish, and I actually feel like more of a man sometimes because of the freedom I still have. My parents nag me to have kids, (like they would pay for them or anything) But my sister has 2 boys, and I love being an uncle, and I love my nephews too death, an am perfectly happy just being an uncle. They are going to have a tough road (they're father is a California Highway Patrolman, and they are half black, and unfortunatly Southern California is still full of racists and non accepting fucktards) But hopefully i can instill some of my anarchistic spirit into them.
Anom I'm so sorry that happened to you, my heart goes out to you....you can share my kids with us if you'd like.....
That is a very touching story Anom... I am as far away from parenthood, as one can be. It's not something that doesn't cross my mind, but it seems like something distant, almost as if it was a part of some alternate reality . There are people around me that have become parents in the last few years. I can't shake the feeling that they all rushed into it. For me the question of parenthood, was never the question of simply wanting children, but rather of finding a person you could raise children with. Not, in a sense of somebody I would spend the rest of my life with, all relationships have their end. But, somebody I could relay on to do the right thing for the children and keep up the communication even if were not together anymore. At this point in my life I doubt that I will meet such a person... Besides, apart from personal there are other reasons for not having children or perhaps more than one child. Like the ever growing population of humans.
hm...kids....something ive never thought about and possibly never will. all that relationship...sex...job...taking care of the baby....taking crap from the baby when he/she is a grown teenager ...all that seems like a waste of time....and money.... sometimes i even feel bad for my parents
hey there: it´s an interessting topic. i´ll tell you my story. i also never wanted to get mother, because i always thought that i´m -like amon- not good enough to raise a child. i got pregnant when i was 16. it was an one night stand at sylvester.. first thing i will say is, that i knew it from the first day..and i´m until today surprised how easy it was possible to lie to myself and edge it out till it was too late to tell the question if i get the child or not. the first time i went to the doc i was in the fith month... i wanted to give the little growing kid in ma stomach away. i was 16, i had to repeat a class at scholl the second time, had strange contacts to strange people and i had any perspective in my life. i thought it would be the best for the little girl. but on that day, when i had to choose what i´ll do...i wasn´t able to say NO to my parentship. i said to the woman from the institution that i decide pro child only when i get my own flat, and when i get the possibility to finish my school. i never wanted in any mother-kid flat, where 3-4 mothers live together with their kids. i wanted to make it independently from any opinions and "well good meanings" from any educatiors who will tell me how to raise a child. so i got a flat, i looked for everything needed (furniture, kittchen, clothes and importent things for the baby...) and i went to couple schools to speak with the directors to get back in a class to finish school. it was hard, everyone of my "friend" said during the pregnancy that they would be there for me blabla, and behind my back they said, i will never make it. i will never finish my school and get a job and so on. when the girl was born, no one cared, i was alone. i had my parents who helped me a bit, but the friends ran away. i finished school, i made my abitur, and i began to study wich will be finished this march. yes it is HARD to learn, to learn a regular life, to take carte for a kid sooo young, to work, to look for your flat and raise yourself too to get grown up. today i think it was the best decision in my life. you can learn so much from your kids, you hear yourself telling the same things like your parents told to you. those things about you always said : "I´ll NEVER do the same like ma parents" haha. maybe you don´t make the same mistakes like your parents, but other... my biggest hurt is, that i never had enough time for ma girl, because i have to learn and work - wich weren´t possible, if i hadn´t the help of my family. now my girl is 11 years old. she is as tall as me and soon she will be grown up. its crazy how fast the time goes on. but im proud, becaus of my child i learned to fight, fight for my future, fight for our life - no matter what the other say. i made my abitur with a mark of 2,0 (good) and then "friends" from my youth told, when i met them again, that they aaaaaaaaaaaaaalway knew that i´ll make it haha. they wait that you break and if you win they want a bit of your success. later when i met people who didn´t know my youth, they can´t imagine what changes i had. they also can´t imagine what fights you have with yourself. fears that you´re not good enough, have not enough money, time, or sth. else sorrows that other kids feel better than mine because they have also a dad, or that i´m not able to teach her enough to have later an independent life...there are so many doubts, but then when you wake up at morning an two shiny blue eyes laugh at you and and you see how lighthearted your kid is, so often be astonished about so little things - you get this feelings also back - i you let it happen. but also you see behavoiurs from your child - the same like yours when you where young as her, and you see it with the eyes of an grown up, its sometimes strange hahaha...and you hear yourself saying the same things like your parents...and you start to understand them....the eternal repetition (nietzsche) hahaha i´m proud that i made it. but i also agree with you, that not everyone is able to raise a children. you have to work hard with yourself and fight everyday to make this way possible. but there are so many experiences and i wont ever miss them. children make the life more rich, but they also are little "gangster" hahaha who do everything to get what they want. and it is hard to say NO to sweet smile or stay cool when you say no and they scream in the supermarket or the bus where many people are around you...and look at you and wait that you make mistakes so that they can say "Oh look at this young mother - she can´t raise childs like she looks" (pink hair, the face full of piercings). or your kid say to you that you have to speak not so loud in the tram. hahaha Thank you for reading
Wow... once more. I find it difficult to believe you kept a positive outlook after all that but you quite clearly did. And as for I don't think your kid could ask for a better example to be honest. Oh and Sylvester is the last day of the year right? (had to Wikipedia that, so just cross-checking)
thanks for the compliment. if i hadn´t my optimism i would break i think. its a question of the own perspective. yeah i think you´re right. its important to have a honest and respectfull relationship to your kid. there´s no "perfect" way, just the own oh..what means the last day at year in netherlands? or in english?
still off topic nice - it sounds funny - i like the dutch language - i´m often in amsterdam for work, and i love it to listen to it. it almost sounds a lil bit like german and it seems to be understood by me...but it doesnt aaaah yes ya - now i remember - haha
No, no pregnancy involved... The best and wildest new year story is one involving an old Wartburg, somebody's cousins, guns, off duty red neck cop and a whole lota alcohol...
uhuu it´s sounds like a real harmonic and peaceful night i guess ;-) so - in relation to the topic (as far as possible i´ll just note the word `parenthood´ in this answer) the parents of the cop sure were proud for their son haha...hahaha?!
I'm a girl we has had two kids, I love my husband (father of both) and I can't tell you why I wanted kids, it certainly wasn't due to any pressure or feeling that I wasn't 'whole' or any such crap - I have never gone with the commonly held beliefs that you MUST procreate to further the human race and I can TOTALLY support those of you who it's not for. It is an immense sacrifice - they have you on the go so much and you're so tired all the time. I must admit when I was younger I felt like I would never want kids and I can't really tell you why or how that changed. Maybe it was just our love that just felt like we wanted to create more of what we had between us. I could NOT figure out what other people with kids were on about, I didn't want it - who would?? But now I'm there I wouldn't give it up for the world and I'd give just about anything for my kids. My first kid was planned, the second not so much but whereas when I was 17 the thought I was pregnant I was all mentally psyched for an abortion (I wanted to finish my uni studies), when that second baby was coming along I looked into the eyes of my 2 1/2 year old and couldn't even consider it. I guess it depends on the situation you are in, I have been very lucky to be surrounded by love - and I just want to share it OK so maybe that's too hippy for some of you but when your 3 year old asks when she can have 'a red mohawk please mummy' you've gotta be happy....
