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Parenthood???

Discussion in 'General political debates' started by Anxiety69, Jan 26, 2010.

  1. Anxiety69

    Anxiety69Experienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    the abortion debate got me thinking, I am 32, i have absolutely no desire to have children ever. It bother's my father because i'm the last male with the last name of the family... like that should matter :p Does anyone else share this opinion of not wanting children? or as anarachists should we be breeding children to attempt to get to follow in our footsteps? (or something less fascist sounding...) I know there are parents on this board, and i'm curious to their opinions as well.
     

  2. Ring Of Truth

    Ring Of TruthExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    I always said that I never wanted to have kids... but if it happened I would love that child and be the best parent I could be, and try my best not to repeat the mistakes of my parents. When the time in life is right I guess it will just happen, and I will see what comes next.

    On breeding: I don't think every couple that gets together falls in love and all that should have a kid, there are already too many people on this earth as it is, but there is nothing wrong if people do have kids, we need someone to carry on in the future.

    On following in their parents footsteps: I can do my best to teach my child, I can do my best to raise my child, but in the end the decisions that my child makes are his decisions not mine. But, at least he will know that there is an alternative to the fascist capitalist system, and that we can work to make it happen... but if that is what he chooses or not is on him. To force it would be no better than that which we are striving to destroy.

    On the family name: My dad said the same thing to me. I don't see that it is ultra important, but it is nice to see a family name carry on. Then again I don't see why girls (or some guys) bother to change their name when they get married, it just doesn't matter all that much to me. I really am not that into marriage either, but that is another topic.

    Summary: If you choose to have sex, then understand the consequences and choose to deal with them in a mature manner when they arise. I am now a very happy father of a 3 week old son, and now that he is here I can't imagine living in a future with out him. And having a son, isn't interfereing with playing music or anything else really (other than the amount of sleep I get is less), but I will still tour and play shows, and in the future he will come on the road with me (but this summer will be without him, he will be with his mom at his grandma's house).
     
  3. Jimmy DeLocke

    Jimmy DeLockeMember Forum Member


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    No plans to have children here. I know some anarcho parents and I've been told and seen that children can help bring communities together. But I think it has to be the right folks in the right place. I mainly don't want kids because I don't want the responsibility. And I don't think the community thing works unless people are in agreement to help with raising the children-it can't just be sprung on people and expected of them. It was still the parents' decision to do the deal and have a baby so ultimately it's their responsibility.
     
  4. NGNM85

    NGNM85Experienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Sep 8, 2009
     
    I, personally, have no desire to have children for private reasons. However, I will say that people who do generally do so for alarmingly selfish reasons. Deciding to have a child should be like a guilty verdict in a murder trial. You ARE deciding another person's whole life, this is an ENORMOUS responsibility. It should be treated with equal seriousness. You shouldn't have a baby because you want a baby, you should have a baby because you want to give that baby the best upbringing you can to be the healthiest, happiest, most successful person they can be. People should also ask themselves if they have the means to support the child. I wouldn't insist that only the rich can have children, that's offensive. However, one does have to be able to provide.
     
  5. Vegetarian Barbarian

    Vegetarian BarbarianExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Oct 19, 2009
     
    Well... i also didnt want kids as well for multiple reasons (the last name not being any of em because the P.O.S. that is my last name will live on in other douche bags).

    But, i got involved with this girl who has a 4 year old son (was 2 1/2 when i met him). So hes basically like a son to me, not a lot of men would take on the responsibility of raising a kid that wasnt their own, especially at a young age like mine, but i dont mind it one bit. Now, that i have been raising him and know the whoas of raising a kid, i might have one around anxiety's age, but just 1 if i do, but i might not who knows...
     
  6. Rathryn

    RathrynExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Oct 21, 2009
     
    I've been thrown into the unenviable position of having to choose between a relationship with the mother or not. The only reason I'm still not a 'dad' (technically I'll never be his 'dad') is because of my own lifestyle, which I have no intention of changing. I drink loads, I smoke like a chimney and use all the drugs I can find that do not need needles, to me this is the best reason EVER to NOT take care of a kid.
    I've always said I don't want kids, 'cause I'm afraid I'll turn out like my mom while raising 'em, there's quite a bit of friction between me and my mom 'cause we're too much alike :S
     
  7. Vegetarian Barbarian

    Vegetarian BarbarianExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    The thing that pisses me off is when people try to tell me that about my girlfriends son, yes i didnt give her the semen to have the kid, but ive been raising him and feeding him and teaching him etc. etc. etc. for over 2 years now and probably for another 20, So i am the DAD, the FATHER if you will...
     
  8. Rathryn

    RathrynExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Oct 21, 2009
     
    I'm not saying you can't be the father figure, but if you look at it biologically you're not his father. Doesn't mean you don't love him as a son, you don't care for him or whatever.
    My distinction comes from linguistics not ethics or morality.
     
  9. punkmar77

    punkmar77Administrator Staff Member Admin Team Experienced member


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    Veg Barb you are that kids Dad, if you love him and he loves you dont let anyone ever tell you different, that little guy needs you. As for me I have three children, a 21 yr old Daughter who is 1 yr away from graduating UCSD, A 20 yr old son who goes to community college and works, and a 15 yr old daughter who is in High School and plays a mean guitar. Having and raising kids isn't for everyone, in fact among my fellow punks, hardly any one of them are parents. There is a lot of 'Peter Pan' syndrome in Punk, I'm the first to admit at 42 I still feel like a kid, and I imagine so do a lot of you. My kids will always be a great joy in my life, and I don't regret having them one bit.

    :ecouteurs: :ecouteurs: :ecouteurs: :ecouteurs: :ecouteurs: :ecouteurs: :ecouteurs: :ecouteurs:
     
  10. Ring Of Truth

    Ring Of TruthExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Punkmar, I agree totally one hundred percent with what you said.

    Veg Barb, I agree you are the kids dad... fuck biological, it is you who are the father that is shaping that kids life. I mean for me I look at my step-dad as my true father figure, he is the one that raised me, even though I love my biological father and have a good relationship with me, the fact of the matter remains that my step-dad was my real "father". I think it is awesome how much love you obviously have for that child, it makes me happy hearing you talk about him like you did.

    Rathryn: I think that your decision to not want to raise children at this point of your life is a mature decision to make. Sure maybe, I don't agree with the drug use, but you are living the life you choose for yourself, and you understand that it is not a good environment to raise a child, so I praise you on that mature realization. You only have one life, live it the way that you choose, and enjoy the time you have.

    Kids aren't for everyone, and I think that we understand that makes us a bit more mature than the mainstream culture who seems obsessed with the idea of getting married and having kids... fuck that. And from what I have seen here, those of us who do have kids, it seems that we are striving to be the best parents that we can be.

    Someone mentioned being able to provide for your child is important, I agree, I do what I have to to make ends meet, but at the same time am careful to make sure that I try to spend as much time as I can with my child rather than spending all day and night working... then again where I live it is really cheap to live too which makes it easier.
     
  11. Rathryn

    RathrynExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Thanks for that, what I hate most about the situation however is the girl saying: well YOU don't have to raise the kid, I can do that o_O WTF kinda thing is that to say? I'd love to hear him talk about his parents at school then: my mom takes care of me and my dad just sits on the couch doing drugs and drinking beer all day if he gets the chance...
    WTF?
    If some girl would walk up to me right here right now and tell me: you're the father of the child I'm carrying. That'd be a diff story, but hell I'm in a position where I can avoid being the alcoholic junkie dad o_O
    It would be a diff story for one thing: I'd stop doing drugs, might even give up smoking and be a bastard for a week due to substance withdrawal, but I'd come clean.
     
  12. Ring Of Truth

    Ring Of TruthExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    I really appreciate your view... it is awesome that you think about the child's life, you are right, that is a fucked up thing for a girl to say, or even think. And I am glad that if the event happened that you found out you were a father that you would take responsibility. You are a good man my friend.
     
  13. Anxiety69

    Anxiety69Experienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Oct 18, 2009
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    i'd like to hear some womens' perspective on this issue, as women in the media are portrayed as being incomplete if they don't have children (i've dated a few women who actually said they didn't believe they were being their best if they didn't have kids :p) I dated a few girls who didn't believe in condoms either...
     
  14. Mike Puke

    Mike PukeActive Member Forum Member


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    I've never had kids and never wanted to! I've never wanted the responsibility and anyway, there's already way too many people on this poor over-populated planet as it is! And if I had kids now, I hate to think what kind of a mess this planet would be in by the time they're my age... it's enough of a hell hole now! Yippee, population approaching 7 billion... fuck, I can remember when the population hit 5 billion... and that wasn't that long ago! They should rename humans "rabbits" or something... thank fuck we don't breed six kids at a time or something...
     
  15. Anxiety69

    Anxiety69Experienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Rabbits, tribbles, humans, it's all the bloody same :ecouteurs:
     
  16. Vegetarian Barbarian

    Vegetarian BarbarianExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    I wasnt saying anything against you Rathryn, you just brought up a good point that i wanted to show. Thanks for the support though guys!

    Rabbits, tribbles, humans, no there not the same!

    Garbage, toxic waste, toilets full of shit, humans... THEIR all the same ;)
     
  17. QueerPunk

    QueerPunkExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Dec 29, 2009
     
    Parenthood is not my thing...this being said I am unnofficially the fairy godfather to my mate's baby boy Shaun who I sorta named. He's so fuckin' cute.

    But no I would not want kids of my own, adopted or through surrogate.
     
  18. alarmclok

    alarmclokMember New Member


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    I spose I'll just say that being a father would be like a death sentence to me. I wouldn't care if the mother would support it and keep it away from me and never talk to me ever again I could live with that. But 10 years down the road she'll come back biting for child support they all do. I'd rather have cancer than have a child. An unborn child is like a curable cancer that they can stab to death with a clothes hanger but a real life one is an incurable cancer just can't be fixed you're doomed for life except unlike a nice cancer you're not gonna be lucky enough to die.

    I'm a lifetime lover of alcohol. It's my wife and kids and best friends all distilled into a single little bottle and I wouldn't trade my freedom to get shitfaced drunk everyday for all the love of the world. Alcohol is the reason I don't blow my brains out when I wake up in the morning.

    Someone mentioned people having kids for selfish reasons and that's so true. You're dooming that little life to have to live. Cursed doomed insert another synonym here to live until they quit breathing air. I can imagine more than a couple of situations where some dude gives a girl a kid cause she really wants one and if doesn't give her one he'll have to go find sex elsewhere. And that family name stuff. To hell with my family name. These bad genes have met the end of the line. Too many drunks and junkies and batshit krazi people in my family anyways. Mom has her a stepgrandkid so that should pacify her want of another little future bastard. Too many mfers in the world breathing my air anyways. Why did I censor that is that a nono? Oh well. I would like to see a disease take over the world, a disease that causes an absolute minimum of human suffering but serves to make about 75 percent of the population sterile or something. Too many too many too many people. And I might be ranting. I could go on for pages but I'd be running around in circles on myself beating the same dead horse to death and running it over with a riding lawnmower, then I'd get stuck on it and if the horse has been dead long enough to bloat and stink...well it'd be a real mess to get my tractor unstuck wouldn't it?
     
  19. drumdestroyer15

    drumdestroyer15Active Member Forum Member


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    I couldn't agree with this more. I see way to many people who want kids just because they are cute, or for other selfish reasons. Parents should want a child to share life not to have something cute for themselves. Not to mention having kids soley to raise them as anarchists and add to the movement is nuts and contradictory to it itself. However those who have kids for real reasons would want to teach them things dont have to be the way the world is now. Life is a beautiful thing i think those who choose to share it (or did on accident haha) should be sure to pass that idea on.
     
  20. Vegetarian Barbarian

    Vegetarian BarbarianExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    To not have a kid SOLELY because "its selfish" is a little hypocritical to me, its, in fact, selfish to do that. Yes, i understand there are people who do only want kids for selfish reasons and fuck them is right but i find it pretty UN-selfish of anyone who gets into a relationship with a kid and raises him.