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Non-monogamy and Monogamy

Discussion in 'General political debates' started by AnarchoFem, May 11, 2010.

  1. AnarchoFem

    AnarchoFemExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Apr 15, 2010
     
    Just because it came up in another topic, I'm wondering what ye guys think of non-monogamy and monogamy. Personal experiences or whatever. Whether monogamy should be abolished? (I have no idea why that would be necessary/possible) etc. I would like to think that some of the regular problems in monogamous relationships can be changed..
    I'm also of the opinion, that it completely is up to the person, some people would rather be monogamous (like me) while some people would rather be non-monogamous. I don't think either are entirely perfect.
     

  2. back2front

    back2frontExperienced Member Experienced member


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    Nov 26, 2009
     
    I think you've answered your own question to an extent. You can argue for and against monogomy but no doubt some patronising smart arse will come along and tell you are a goosestepper depending on what side you choose. One thing that does come up in non-mongomous relationships is children. If no social agreement is reached then one of the two people, and lets face it it's generally the father (I know I must be in the Third Reich to make such scathing suggestions) fucks off and leaves the single parent to rear the child.

    Free love didn't mean a free-for-all (not that I'm knocking free-for-alls I might add) but rather relationships that were not ordered from above and with recourse to whatever legal system was associated with marriage. People came and went as they pleased but there does need to be some responsability taken here if children come along...
     
  3. statuliber

    statuliberExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Sep 13, 2009
     
    Well I think polyamours relationships are very interesting and a great concept. I know a few persons, who manage it at least as well as a monogamous relationship.
    There are very often some bourgeois shortcomings in monogamous relationships, which can be problematic. But I think they are not inherent and can be treated as problems themselves, not just as symptoms.

    I'm personally living in a monogamous relationship and I'm fine with it, but I think that other concepts too should get room. But of course this is the decision of the concerned and nobody should be under pressure for one or the other thing.
     
  4. statuliber

    statuliberExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Sep 13, 2009
     
    I know a man, who is in a relationship with a woman, who has daughter, and this woman leads a polyamours relationship with three men at the same time...
    But I dont get why children should come up in polyamourous relationships and not in monogamous ones. And I guess they are as often left behind by some careless asshole.
     
  5. Unreasonable Man

    Unreasonable ManActive Member Forum Member


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    Feb 14, 2010
     
    Thats so broad, Monogamy vs Non. Theres so many arrangements that can be made within that. I'm in a commited monogamous relationship but not married, my girlfriend and I live together and we don't have carnal relationships with anyone else. We're also rather opposed to the idea of marriage, seeing it as very patriarchal institution, one that historically was reserved for the very rich in which women were treated as property and traded largely to procure that woman's property. The woman looses her life in a marriage, her name, her familial line, her ability to associate with others and in many situations her liberty to do with her life as she may wish, having to sacrifice it for the demands of the husband and family.

    On the otherhand I've been in open relationships as well, very committed open relationships, and from my experience it often leads to easy exit from the relationship. If things go sour one partner or even both are lured away by the already present affections of another rather than working the problems out and that has long term consequences, you don't see the error of your ways, relationship problems are more likely to carry on to the next one, and you don't learn from it or grow as much as a person.

    My answer is a question: Whats right for you?
     
  6. statuliber

    statuliberExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Sep 13, 2009
     
    I don't think there is a right relationship, not even for one person. Because it always depends on how it works out between each other.
     
  7. Bunny

    BunnyExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Mar 13, 2010
     
    Again, whatever works for you and the person or people you are with. As long as its all consensual and the people involved are comfortable with the relationship(s)
     
  8. Unreasonable Man

    Unreasonable ManActive Member Forum Member


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    Feb 14, 2010
     
    thats what I meant.
     
  9. AnarchoFem

    AnarchoFemExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Apr 15, 2010
     
    Thanks for all the great answers!

    I'm also in a monogamous relationship, that I'm extremely happy about. Sure it definitely has it's problems, but I really found that I have matured so much from dealing with those. I also think those problems can be dealt with also without resorting to non-monogamy.
    I have never been in a non-monogamous relationship, so I can't exactly say whether it would be right for me, but at the moment I am perfectly happy being monogamous.

    Oh and the reason I asked this question was because in another thread somebody said that monogamous relationships had to be abolished under anarchism. I have also had anarchists (when finding out I have a boyfriend) tell me "Well i hope it's non-monogamous", as if it is any of their business. Anyways, it was just something that bugged me a little. Glad to see it's not the case here and that ye are of similiar mindset to me (that it's the both the person and the person/people in the relationships own choice).
     
  10. dwtcos

    dwtcosExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Oct 22, 2009
     
    What are the benefits of a non monogamous relationship? I'm only 14 so I don't really k ow anyone who has one and I have only heard negativethings really. Enlighten me please :)

    And I agree. Whatever works for those involved. Keep it consensual and most of all, have fun.
     
  11. statuliber

    statuliberExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Sep 13, 2009
     
    Well most obvious: Seemingly more freedom. You don't have to fear problem because you like another person besider your girl*boyfriend. Remember, you also give this freedom to him*her!
    Another things which is more psychological is that you see your girl*boyfriend less as your property, but you can fight this as well in monogamous relationship

    Edit:
    And could we all please call it polyamourous relationship? because if we say monogamous and non-monogamous it seems that monogamous is the "normal" thing, which at least I think it shouldn't be.
     
  12. Anxiety69

    Anxiety69Experienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Oct 18, 2009
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    monogamy doesn't need to be abolished, but it is not for everyone. I personaly believe the wisdom of Rudimentary Peni on this topic though..."Holy Matrimony is a blissful myth" Basically if you think of human beings in terms of being animals, then very few animals have monogamous relationships that last their lifetime, so why should people? Because the church says so?
     
  13. statuliber

    statuliberExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Sep 13, 2009
     
    actually its just one higher evolved animal, a californian mouse or something...
     
  14. Anxiety69

    Anxiety69Experienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    well mice are the ones who paid for earth to be built in the first place, to determine the ultimate question of life the universe and everything...
     
  15. NGNM85

    NGNM85Experienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Sep 8, 2009
     
    I don't believe it's realistic for two people to be together forever. I'm not the same person I was ten years ago, and would most likely be a different person ten years in the future, same for any woman I happened to be involved with, therefore, I think it's simply unrealistic not to expect that the relationship will inevitably collapse at some point. However, I also think this "Smash Monogamy" crap is total bullshit. I mean, if two partners have a mutual agreement or something that's fine for them, but don't claim it's some sort of statement.
     
  16. Anxiety69

    Anxiety69Experienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Oct 18, 2009
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    I think in regards to what you siad, which i agree with btw, in a nutshell, short term monogamy is great, but long term monogamy is unrealistic.
     
  17. statuliber

    statuliberExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Sep 13, 2009
     
    Thats called serial monogamy if I'm not mistaken.
     
  18. QueerPunk

    QueerPunkExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Dec 29, 2009
     
    Polyamorous here!!!

    That being said I am currently in a monogamous relationship with my boyfriend who seems to be pretty cool with the Polyamory thing but he wouldn't be ready for a third person for quite some time which I understand.
     
  19. AnarchoFem

    AnarchoFemExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


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    Apr 15, 2010
     
    I hate the "smash monogamy" crap too! I think we're all agreed that both marriage and long term monogamy is unrealistic, but serial monogamy, excellent! :thumbsup:

    Oh and good for you QueerPunk! :)
     
  20. Roisu

    RoisuNew Member New Member


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    May 12, 2010
     
    I hate when people make broad generalisations about monogamy/non- monogamy. I don't think you can say that long-term monogamy is always unrealistic or that non-monogamy is always the way to go. It depends on the person(s) involved, every couple is different. I would interpret the 'smash monogamy' in a different way; as meaning that monogamy should not be the only socially accepable and reinforced relationship in society, and that people should try and change that. That doesn't mean not allowing monogamy (that's ridiculous), but about changing societies attitude towards it.
     
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