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My songs/poems.

Discussion in 'D.I.Y. - Creative section' started by badgerific, Apr 28, 2010.

  1. badgerific

    badgerificMember Forum Member


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    0
    0

    Mar 9, 2010
     
    Thought I'd share some of my words with you to see what you think.

    1:
    Sometimes I wake up
    and I'm scared to open the door
    like I might walk outside
    and just fall through the floor

    Sometimes when I'm walking
    I'm scared I'll just stop
    my feet will stop moving
    and I'll just drop

    Sometimes when I'm sleeping,
    I don't think at all
    and these are the best times
    the best times of all

    2:
    '84 has been and gone
    but everyone has seemed to miss the point
    we're not controlled by the things we hate
    like orwell had conceived
    instead it's the things we love
    a brave new world indeed.

    Constructive crit would be appreciated.
     
    badgerific, Apr 28, 2010
    #1

  2. Probe

    ProbeExperienced Member Uploader Experienced member Forum Member


    690
    1
    57

    Jan 30, 2010
     
    its pretty good keep up the good work :D
     
    Probe, Apr 29, 2010
    #2
  3. punkmar77

    punkmar77Experienced Member Staff Member Uploader Admin Team Experienced member


    5,727
    178
    717

    Nov 13, 2009
     United States
    Not bad at all, is this a song?
     
    punkmar77, Apr 29, 2010
    #3
  4. badgerific

    badgerificMember Forum Member


    18
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    0

    Mar 9, 2010
     
    I'm going to start putting music to the first piece soon, not so sure about the second one seems a bit short for a song.
     
    badgerific, Apr 29, 2010
    #4
  5. Rathryn

    RathrynExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


    853
    0
    0

    Oct 21, 2009
     
    This one reminds me a lot of the angsty teenage, puberty-type shit I used to write a lot at age 15. Which isn't a very bad thing in and of itself, but it seems to indicate a darker state of mind that can be prolonged if you spend too much time in it. Could be that I'm reading the wrong (or rather my own personal thing) in it, which would instead make it a very successful piece of writing in my opinion :)
    I prefer this one over the above one, as I just found out 84 was also the year that Crass stopped, which could very well give a diff twist to the entire thing you envisioned for it (what with the Orwell reference and all :p). Regardless, this is one of the things I like regardless. It has a certain duality if you look at it that way.
     
    Rathryn, May 4, 2010
    #5
  6. badgerific

    badgerificMember Forum Member


    18
    0
    0

    Mar 9, 2010
     
    The first one isn't really supposed to come off as angsty really but I can see why you might read it like that. It's pretty much just about how I think far too long about stupid little things that end up worrying me. I didn't know that crass stopped in 84 but that does bring a relevant new idea to it. Thanks for the comment yo.
     
    badgerific, May 5, 2010
    #6
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