Jokes

Criminals according to the brittish empire anyway. I say my ancestors needed to feed their family and in their place i would have stolen those apples as well.

 

What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court?

Odour in the court

 

I saw a Rabbi at a bus-stop. Asked him, 'when is the next one due?'



He says, 'why did you have to bring up my religion in such a rude way?'

 

What do you call a chinese lady with her head jammed into a food processor?

Blenda!

 

How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her

 

So the hot dog guy gives the Buddhist the hot dog, and the Buddhist hands him a £20 note. After standing there for 10 minutes with his hand held out expectantly the Buddhist says "Where's my change?"
The hot dog seller simply smiled at him and said "Change must come from within !!!

 

Battersea dogs home is the latest to be hit by the credit crunch

Administrators are sending in the Retrievers

 

Bloke goes into a library and asks to borrow a book on suicide
Assistant says 'fuck off you won't bring it back'

 

why dont blind people sky dive----













because it scares the shit out the dog.

 

I had a mate who was suicidal.
He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.

 

Statistically speaking, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.

 

Q: What does a bible and a penis have in common?

A: Both get shoved down your throat by a Priest.

 

I was at an ATM machine when an old lady came up and asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.

 

I had a dog named Minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks.
Bad minton.

 

I walked past the fridge last night and thought I had heard two onions singing a bee gees song.

But when I opened the fridge door it was just chives talking.

 

I told a racist joke to my French albino wife.

She just gave me a blanc look.

 

Saw a bloke with no arms and no legs at a bus-stop. I said to him, 'hello mate, how you getting on?'

 

A dwarf mate of mine has just been pick-pocketed.......

How could anyone stoop so low.

 

And finally,for the moment ,


A guy walks into the bathroom and sees a very small man taking a leak. The little man looks at him and says "Hi! I'm a leprechaun! And because I like you, I'm going to grant you three wishes."

The man thinks for a moment and then says "I'd like a beautiful house."

"Granted. When you return home, you will have a gorgeous mansion."

"Great! Now I'd like a beautiful woman."

"Granted. When you return home, you will find a woman so amazing you will never look at another woman again."

"And I would love to have a huge penis."

"For that, you'll have to let me screw you in the ass."

The man hesitates, but since he wants a huge penis, he consents. As they're going at it, the man says "I can't believe I'm letting a leprechaun screw me in the ass!"

The little man says "I can't believe you thought I was a leprechaun."

 

damn dude