Loading...
Welcome to Anarcho-Punk.net community ! Please register or login to participate in the forums.   Ⓐ//Ⓔ

Bisexual...

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Arjay691, Apr 28, 2010.

  1. Arjay691

    Arjay691Experienced Member Experienced member


    82

    0

    4

    Dec 11, 2009
     
    Well, guys, something's been on my mind lately, and I figured maybe someone on here could give me some advice on it.
    I am bisexual and in the closet about it. I've known I've had an interest in men since the 7th grade, and I've gone through phases where I've thought I was gay, thought maybe I was straight and the interest in men was a curiosity or a phase, but I've been sure for about two years now that I am indeed bisexual.
    What I need advice on is telling my parents and friends. I've told my dad once before, but he called me a faggot and stopped talking to me for a while, until I eventually told him that I was just confused and had figured out I was straight, because I was afraid of being disowned.
    I'm pretty sure my mom would be okay with it, but not entirely, considering she's just as christian as my dad. And my friends would be okay with it, the majority of them anyways, but I don't care about those who would get weirded out by it. "Those who mind don't matter."
    My biggest problem is my dad, I love my dad, and I don't want to lose him just because of my sexuality. I mean, sure, we get into a lot of arguments about different things like the existence of god, politics, whatever, but he's still my dad, and I still love him. What can I do to get my dad to not disown me by letting him know that I'm bisexual?
     

  2. NGNM85

    NGNM85Experienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


    459

    0

    0

    Sep 8, 2009
     
    I'm probably going to unleash an avalanche of horseshit, but, perhaps against my better judgement, I'll weigh in. I think "Bisexual" is a fairly dubious classification. I've never actually met anyone who described themselves as such who really fit the bill. Virtually all the women I've known who identified as bisexual really just hypothesized about being with women, but aside from a few makeout sessions or an isolated incident or two, usually under the influence, were heterosexual. Most of the guys I've known who identified as bisexual were gay but having difficulty coming to terms with it, or going through a brief phase of sexual confusion. I've never met anybody that really was split down the middle. Having romantic and sexual relationships with one sex, except for one or two experiences, or an idle sexual fantasy really doesn't merit a seperate classification. I think if you analyze you're personal experiences or feelings you'll have a pretty strong inclination in one direction or the other.
     
  3. QueerPunk

    QueerPunkExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


    430

    0

    0

    Dec 29, 2009
     
    I know heaps of people who are bisexual and as NGNM85 says: "fit the bill".

    Bisexual is as valid as any other sexual preference and as far as I am concerned those annoying little Gay boys and Lesbians who tow the line "Bi now Gay later" are nothing but insensetive biphobic arseholes and deserve no fucking respect at all.

    I myself am Homosexual/Queer. Yes I have been with women before and had girlfriends but realised it wasn't really for me at all and I cannot think about being with another woman ever again and being into that kinda thing...just isn't me but Bisexuals should be treated with some fucking respect like most other people.

    Arjay, keep your chin up, it can be really shit at times but you can always learn to deal with other people's bullshit, some become bitter others just become more overt about themselves as a "fuck you" statement as in; "you want Queer? I'll fuckin' show you how it is bitch!"

    Fuck Biphobia!
     
  4. badgerific

    badgerificMember Forum Member


    18

    0

    0

    Mar 9, 2010
     
    I only have one friend who is bisexual so I don't have a great deal of knowledge on the subject but NGNM85 I don't think your attitude is very helpful towards Arjay's post, he's obviously in a difficult situation and is asking for advice.

    I think personally if I was in your situation I think I would tell my friends but not really bother tell my parents, but I wouldn't try to hide it. I could understand if you thought by not telling them you was hiding it so this may not be the best option for you as you might feel uncomfortable in that situation.

    Fear of loosing a person you love because of the way you are must be a horrendous, good luck with however you try go about it.
     
  5. Lunadimae

    LunadimaeExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


    229

    0

    1

    Mar 1, 2010
     
    I don't know, but is it a necessity to tell your father about it if it makes him angry? As he is a Christian he must be homophobic and go all "the evil bad person possessed you! Oh shi-", so he won't take that easily at all. I suggest trying to avoid telling him about it if you want to keep your current relationship with him. It would be hard for him given he objects yours views and considers himself to be superior and wiser than you are, and would just call you brainwashed or demented.

    But anyway, good luck on whatever you do.
     
  6. butcher

    butcherExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


    2,123

    0

    18

    Sep 8, 2009
     
    Yeah, fuck
    thats a super difficult question.
    At the heart of the matter is that fact that you should not feel ashamed for yr sexuality.

    From a v. distant perspective, i would kinda say that if yr old mans not willing not accept the fucking reality of a situation then whatever. But i do understand life is much more complex than that. i think that all you can do is not downplay the issue, and obviously get some supportive ppl around you during any stressful time. The situation is only gunna be resolved (one way or another) by yrself being honest and not backing away from the issue.

    NGNM85, it's all good, but ppl are much more varied than just the folks you've met. :beers:
     
  7. Anom

    AnomExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


    698

    0

    0

    Dec 21, 2009
     
    I know a man close to his 60s who has been living with another man for several years now and they celebrate christmas with his family but his mother still doesn't know that his boyfriend is anything more then a close friend and thinks he's there just to not spend christmas alone. Everyone else knows but to her it's still a secret, guess she wouldn't aprove if she knew. So it's possible to keep it secret but, speaking for myself since that's the only person i can speak for, i wouldn't want to have it that way.
     
  8. punkmar77

    punkmar77Administrator Staff Member Admin Team Experienced member


    5,438

    79

    621

    Nov 13, 2009
     United States
    HA HA if I were anywhere near Australia I think you and I could be great friends.....

    But more on topic Arjay....I think you just have to be honest with your Dad and hope that the love he has for his son will overide whatever dumbass prejudice religion has planted in his mind....a heart over brain thing. It might take a while for him to realize it and it will be painful to endure in the meantime but in the longrun the truth will set you free and he will most likely come to the realization that he loves you more than his prejudice..does that make sense? Be strong.....
     
  9. Bunny

    BunnyExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


    201

    0

    1

    Mar 13, 2010
     
    First, Arjay i want to say how brave it is of you to come out. Although I am straight, I have been there as emotional support for friends who came out to their parents and friends and it does not seem to be easy.
    My best advice would be to talk to close friends first so that you have emotional support close at hand. Then tell your family. Punkmar's right, it may take some time but they'll learn to except your sexuality and love you just as much as before they knew.
    Hang in there and I know i can't speak for everyone, but it seems like you have a lot of support here.
    You can do it.
     
  10. Arjay691

    Arjay691Experienced Member Experienced member


    82

    0

    4

    Dec 11, 2009
     
    Thank you guys, so much. I think I'm gonna go with the whole tell my friends first, then my family.
    And what punkmar said, maybe eventually my dad will come to terms with it and the love will overcome his religious views. But even if he doesn't I suppose I'd just have to deal with it. I mean, fuck yeah, it's gonna be wayyy easier said than done, but I suppose if it has to be done, it has to be done. Thanks again. :)

    I've had a relationship with a guy before, when I was fifteen, we spend A LOT of time together, and I really liked him. We messed around together, never actually having intercourse, but you know, we did other stuff. I eventually broke up with him because I was afraid kids from my school would have found out, because I had already been picked on enough and didn't want anymore.
    And I've also had relationships with girls before, felt as though I'd been in love, the whole bit.
    I'm attracted to both, sometimes I think about men, sometimes I think about girls, and it all "gets me going," if you will. So I think it's pretty safe to say that I am bisexual. Although, I understand where you're coming from. It actually seems to be some kind of fad to be bisexual or gay, and that kinda shit really pisses me off. But I know where you're coming from.
     
  11. Anxiety69

    Anxiety69Experienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


    2,342

    5

    156

    Oct 18, 2009
     
    i wish i was gay sometimes... it would really piss of my father, and he deserves to be pissed off sometimes (former lapd cop and all)
     
  12. QueerPunk

    QueerPunkExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


    430

    0

    0

    Dec 29, 2009
     
    There is that track by Screeching Weasel; "I Wanna Be A Homosexual". Fucking love that song.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5eLcm4X6t8
     
  13. NGNM85

    NGNM85Experienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


    459

    0

    0

    Sep 8, 2009
     
    Granted, but I have a feeling you'll feel a strong pull in one direction or the other. I had my doubts, hell, I sort of wanted to be gay because being white, raised catholic and heterosexual is so...ordinary, so average. Plus the righteous indignation of belonging to a marginalized minority group. However, at the end of the day, there's something about women. It's part of my programming. It comes with the hardware, and I have a feeling it'll give you an answer if it hasn't already. Worst case scenario, fuck both and call me in the morning. Is that helpful? I dunno.

    I'm merely suggesting first, that if in fact you do at least have an overwhelming predisposition one way or the other, is it so essential that you have to yell it from the rooftops, so to speak? You're folks should be more openminded, but, there was this gay college student on the news the other day who said, eseentially, in a perfect world he and his boyfriend could hold hands walking down the street in the deep south with no problem, but that isn't the world we live in. You have to be true to yourself, but you also have to be realistic, and accept the parents you have, not the ones you'd like to have. Do the benefits outweigh the costs? You're the only one who can answer these questions.

    Incidentally, yes. Screeching Weasal kick ass.
     
  14. Anxiety69

    Anxiety69Experienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


    2,342

    5

    156

    Oct 18, 2009
     
    yup, great fucking song... "shock the middle class, take it up your punk rock ass" hmm i feel like saying that to those homophobic idiots posting on that other thread...
     
  15. Ivanovich

    IvanovichExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


    676

    0

    6

    Jan 31, 2010
     
    Any relationship is based on honesty and trust. You lying to your father right now, and the longer that goes on the more he feel betrayed. Sure, it not easy, you gotta take the heat, it take time for him to understand, but when that clears you have something real, he love you for what you are, not what he'd like you to be, and if that don't happen, maybe there was never much there anyway. I dunno, your choice. Plenty shit I never told my parents, but I never really cared about them that much.
     
  16. Rathryn

    RathrynExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


    853

    0

    0

    Oct 21, 2009
     
    This is going to be something that is very minute in comparison to you, but regardless might be extrapolated.
    I've been wanting to get my mohawk back... and DID. So I got flak, shit and grief for it. The only thing you can really answer at that point is "maybe I just don't fit into your expectations of me". There's just one dude (which I use in a non-sexist manner, mind you) that can give you a decent future and it ain't your mom/dad/caretaker/whatever. You're gonna be the one that wakes up with yourself every single day (well unless you sleep through one, but you catch my drift), regardless of time, place or state of mind. Hell you might not even recognise yourself in the mirror after a rough week for whatever reason, but you'll still be the motherfucker staring into the mirror in the first place.
     
  17. Vegetarian Barbarian

    Vegetarian BarbarianExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


    719

    0

    0

    Oct 19, 2009
     
    Same here, actually i wish i was a gay black man that was muslim who was dating a Pakistani. That'd piss everyone off within a 30 mile radius of my parents house, they deserve to be pissed off as well!
     
  18. DrunkSquid

    DrunkSquidExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


    167

    0

    0

    Oct 11, 2009
     
    i'm gay so i think i have some perspective here from an entirely different angle, my dad is accepting of my sexual preference which is obviously nature and is controlled by my brain naturally. it is ridiculous that people will still question the simple fact that it is merely the way people think and is far more common, especially among men than most people realize yet the constant usage of the words faggot and using gay as an irreverant insult constantly force the inevitable decay of some peoples minds in more bigoted environments
    your dad sounds like a bigot to me and i am sorry that your dad is that much of an idiot. i am sorry to say it like this but i have very strong feelings against that sort of sentiment consideirng that i as well as many others must, whether we are in the closet or not, or make it known widely or not, we must deal with idiots like your father that are part of a collective of individuals in our society that perpetuate a bigoted atmosphere and clearly the end result is repressing peoples minds and exacting coercion upon everyone who just want to feel welcome and understood
    perhaps try talking to your father and convincing him that he is wrong and is a sick asshole for calling you a faggot
     
  19. nodz

    nodzExperienced Member Experienced member Forum Member


    328

    0

    5

    Apr 4, 2010
     
    One of my gay freinds told her mother about her sexuality and her mother had the same response or attitude as your father. They stopped talking. I don't think she has seen her mum for about three years now. My friend said 'My sexuality is part of who I am and if my mother can't accept it then she doesn't accept or respect me.' She went onto say that there is enough hatred and bigotry in this world without family members contributing to it and then said I don't need that in my life. A sad state of affairs perhaps but life truly is hard enough without taking that sort of crap from family and firends.
     
  20. Bentheanarchist

    BentheanarchistExperienced Member Experienced member


    936

    1

    66

    Dec 10, 2010
     
    You should probaly disown your dad, since he will never accept you, because he is a homophobic christian, but of course what do I know, my parents are Liberals, and are fine with bisexuality.
    Your story is just like countless other stories of parents disowning their kids, because of a certain sexual orientation.