Jokes

wow these are bad... here's an even worse one
what's the difference between a dead dog and a dead emo kid lying in the street?












skidmarks in front of the dog!!!

 

Heres some good ones;

1. Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.
Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!'
The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches.


2. Brenda and Terry are going out for the evening. The last thing they do is put their cat out.
The taxi arrives, and as the couple walk out of the house, the cat scoots back in.
Terry returns inside to chase it out. Brenda, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explains to the taxi driver, 'My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.'
Several minutes later, an exhausted Terry arrives and climbs back into the taxi saying, 'Sorry I took so long, the stupid idiot was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger several times before I could get her to come out!'

3. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.
'Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.'
Watson replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
'What does that tell you?'
Watson ponders for a minute.' Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?
Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. 'Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.'

 

Haha those are some good ones probe
they're clean as well

 

I have another like this =P

How many punks does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, punks never changed anything.

 

no one likes clean jokes

 

Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?


A: Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.

 

Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull his pants down?

A: He heard the snowblower coming.

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Q: Why did Santa have to have his balls removed?

A: Because he'd carried his sack over his shoulders one too many times.

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I was at a casino. I was standing by the door, and a security guard came over and said, 'You gotta move -- you're blocking the fire exit,' as though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run.

 

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

 

A Marine was coming home from the Pentagon one day. He noticed that there was a lot more traffic than normal. As he got further up the road all of the traffic had come to a halt. He saw a policeman coming towards his car, so he asked the cop what was wrong. The cop said, "Man we are in a crisis situation. Mr. Clinton is in the road very upset. He does not have the $33.5 million that he owes his lawyers, and his family hates him. He is threatening to douse himself in gasoline and start a fire." The marine asked the cop exactly what he was doing there." The cop said, " I feel sorry for the president so I am going car to car asking for donations." The marine asked, "How much do you have so far?" The cop replied, "Well as of right now only 33 gallons, but many people are still siphoning as we speak!"

 

yeah, expect people here to be offended by that.

 

I'm pretty sure people would be offended by that anywhere... except maybe like.. NAMBLA

 

Yeah not funny....at all.

 

I didn't say that , did I ?
Or are you talking to someone else...

 

They where talking to me. I made a pedophellia joke that they disliked so much they deleted it.
Bunch of joke nazis..

 

lol joke nazis? and it wasn't they, it was one person, but i can't say i disagree with the decision... (yeah yeah censorship is so not anarcho right?)

 

Q: Why do they bury cops six feet under?

A: Cause deep down they're good!

Q: How many cops died on 9/11?

A: Not enough.

Q: How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None, they just beat up the room cuz its black.

Q: How many cops does it take to get a suspect downstairs?

A: None, he fell....

 

Tres bien

 

pure gold anxiety!